Blasphemy

A few soft words beckon to me and drag me into the wisp of unconsciousness. My eyes fall shut invitingly as I wonder – curiously contemplating my existence and the reason for the call. My body lay still on your grey velvet chesterfield, fingers twitching as they depart the conscious world. My breathes slow to match a quiet, unbothered pace and welcome relaxation.

I see you staring back at me. Were living together. Things seem natural to me and you seem upset. Our close integrity has brought frustration- were fighting. You argue words at me, but my eyebrows just scrunch up as you speak. It aches me to hear your words.

“I am going out!”

I scream it at you loudly as tears trace my eyes. The sound of your voice falls quiet and your hands fall to your sides. I have defeated your anger with a single phrase. You don’t want to be alone. You fear it. As I step back, you step toward me fearfully. My body is trembling – I am ready to bolt. Your body lunges towards me and your hands grasp both my wrists. I can feel you trembling. My eyes apologetically speak to you – I never meant to hurt you. You hold me there as a war rages on inside of you. Emotions – they have never been your strongest suit. You battle them, but this time you know if you stand idly you will lose me.

I feel your grip tighten and I try to speak, but my words weaken. “R-”
Your chest presses into mine along with rest of your body. As I feel my chest racing, my senses are entranced by the closeness of you. I have yearned for this for many years. You pull my arms up against the wall and hold them with one hand.

My mind travels back to a time you got this close to me. “Theres dry skin on your forehead” I cringed as your digit stroked my skin for I had never imagined the first time you came that close would be to lecture me.

Your touch pulls me out of the day dream and your hand roughly grasps my face. Your cheek touches me, scratches me, prickles me…those red tinged fibres are abrasive to my skin.

“Why?….why do you care about me?…”

My ears hear your whispers and my heart skips at the sound of your painful words. Yet, I have no answer for you or a reasoning for what I feel. You pull back to wait for my words. My lips tremble and my eyes fall shut with defeat. Thats it. You are going to leave me.

Suddenly your hand softens on my face and a different feeling overwhelms me. Your lips press against mine hungrily. My body aches as a certain release overcomes me. I have waited for so long. You feed off of me as every touch becomes more natural to you.

“Mmm…”

Those soft sounds escape you as you press yourself harder against me, trapping me inescapably between you and the wall. Not that I would think of leaving – I have been waiting for years. The touch of your lips is completely a bliss to me.

Just as I start to enjoy it, an alarm goes off and My eyes widen. Beep beep beep..

I reach for you, but you dissipate before my eyes. My hand grasps at the cloud of what once was you. My eyes part and I lay quietly in my bed. It was a dream. Every part of us being together was a dream.

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Existing

I lay here dreaming of you. My heart beats in sync with the heaving of my chest. Thoughts of you and the last moments we spent together fill my memories. I was alive then. Filled with energy and stamina and happiness. I’ve give you everything I have. Feelings of torment overcome me knowing we can never share our love or the precious moments I feel exist between us. Am I alone in this love? Lust? Yearn? I wish you could tell me and I you. Maybe the feelings would settle if we could exchange words of meaning and reality. Maybe all this foliage we thread between separates us from what we need. I wonder sometimes…

 

what would you say if nothing held us back?

 

Journey Into Crafting…

What an incredible week full of thoughts, considerations and growth. I feel this week was huge for me. Just to fill you all in – I graduated my Registered Nursing last year and have been working on writing my NCLEX Test (the test to acquire my license) here in Canadia Land. Anyhow, Last week I wrote my test and failed it. So I have been taking a little recuperation break.

A few days ago I spoke to an individual on here about crafting and I guess I took some of her words very literally. The day I spoke – I started to think about how to use some leftover crafting materials from my dress for Doll North. Well, it started with Ribbon Hairbands, then Beaded Hairbands and onto Kitty Hairbands. It was a huge relief to delve into things the way I did because now I feel like a brand new person. I am relieved of the stress that felt incredibly overwhelming last week and now I can think clearly.

So today, I had a wonderful barbecue with my parents and played in the backyard with my two boys (4 and 2 years old). We had a blast.

Anyways, I am sure you want to see some pictures. Well here’s a few:

And the kitty bands which are my favorite. ❤

It was a LOT of fun for me to make these and they really don’t take a lot of commitment if I don’t have a lot of time to sit down. I really find it tedious to do the beading ones, but I feel like if I were to find a bead with a bigger hole that would fit on the wire better it would be easier for me. I have some leftover pearls – so that’s on the horizon for what is on my agenda to try. 🙂

Aside from that, I have been trying to enjoy my Volks Hatsune Miku a little more. I love her to death, but sometimes with limited/full-set dolls I get a little leery of touching them. I mean, they cost me a months rent so it’s pretty much terrifying to imagine I could break that doll or something….Haha. I was able to redress her into something a little big more casual and change up a few things for her.

This is her striking a pose.

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She is sporting one of my recent cool finds. In Canada, Bacardi (an alcohol company that makes rum), released over the past couple weeks a bunch of promotional items on their liquor bottles. One of these releases included a baseball jersey for our Toronto team. I was thrilled – my husband collected one for me on his way home from work and I screamed like a little girl. However, more recently they released one in Red and White for the celebration of Canada’s 150th Birthday (this year). I was even more thrilled with that! I love red. ❤ So that’s the shirt she is wearing in the picture along with a Dollhearts Skirt, stockings and shoes. Oh, and a Sadol white chemise below the jersey to protect her from staining. In hindsight, I feel I should have chosen a cheaper shirt to protect her with. -Sweat-

Here’s a close up of the jerseys.

These jerseys fit an SD sized doll very well. I have a Dolfie dream with a large bust who fits them and Miku….Well with her SS flat chest she can wear it pretty baggy. I LOVE LOVE these. If you can get your hands on one – do it! ❤

Another cute/fun thing I did was create these completely ridiculous puddings from my Tokyo Treat box. I HAVE TO SHARE!!! They are so funny! xD Don’t hate the jiggling pudding butts!

HAHAHAHAH!!! Anyways! See you later, Doll!

~Tiff

Doll North Weekend 2017

Hey guys – yet another venue in which you can find me. ^^

Wow – what an incredible weekend. Doll North Staff made everything move flawlessly throughout the weekend and I thank them for that. I attended a few things, but mostly I was feeling sick as anything all weekend. I think I ate something bad. 😦

I was able to enjoy browsing the Doll Market, Meeting some staff friends/other friends, Playing Project Runway, Entering the Doll Masquerade, Playing BJD Bingo, Joining the Dolly Swap and (of course) The Raffle. They had so many prizes up this year that were amazing!!!

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Lillycat, Switch, Pidgin Doll, Merry Doll Round, Dollheart and MaskCat are just a few of the sponsors. See any you recognize? 🙂 They are all so generous – donating some prizes and dolls for the convention. Doll North’s Coordination team raises tons of money every year for Sick kids and some other organizations. It truly is heartwarming. I spent a lot of time this year admiring Jacqueline’s (sp?) humor and enjoying her company in the games lounges. Here’s a picture of me hanging out with Ainsley and her dollies while I was awaiting my turn at the games. ❤

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This photo just reminded me…Project Runway was a blast! They set you up with a bunch of random supplies and you have to make a doll outfit out of them. This year the theme was “Plastic Bag Princess”. So – over an hour this is what I was able to concoct! (see below) It was so fun and such a great creative outlet. I love playing every year (this being my second year in the game) and it’s always so amazing seeing the ideas people come up with on the spot.

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Aside from the games, panels, workshops and other ongoing things – I love to use the scenes that Doll North sets up for us to use as a photo op for our dolls. Here’s a couple shots I did this year. One is their Ramen Shop getup that they have had for a couple years now (still love) and the other was Beauty and the Beast themed. I was so in love with the Rose Cloche that they had. ❤ UGH such a great scene!

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As for the Masquerade contestants – everybody did such an amazing job. I could not believe the incredible skill everybody showed through their doll outfits and props. I look forward to next years and hope the theme will be just as inspiring!! ^^

Here is my entry which is Danielle DuBarbarack from Ever After: A Cinderella Story.

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For those of you who made it to the convention – I hope you had a blast! Those of you who didn’t – I hope to see you next year. 🙂 I look forward to chilling and chatting with you then.

See you later, doll!

-Tiff